Stage #3 Holding life’s hand with the left, holding griefs with my right… somewhere in the middle I exist.

Praying and praying so hard, wanting so badly to receive a sign that Kenny was ok. My faith allowed me comfort knowing he was with loved ones and in the presence of everything heavenly but I was so jealous. While I wished, prayed and hoped for that one sure sign, I got frustrated and felt as if it would never arrive.

After several months I was walking alone in the backyard and walked the path of concrete stepping blocks back to the patio, a path we all have walked hundreds of times, I suddenly felt something under my foot… I looked down, it was quite dirty but I found a tiny dinosaur in almost perfect condition. I rushed in to the sink and cleaned it and just amazed sat at the table starring at it. That was the first time I felt a glimmer of happiness since Kenny left us.

See Kenny as a child loved these little dinosaurs and animals so much that he had so many and had so much knowledge of each and every one of them. Of course as he got older that went away and so did these tiny dinosaurs and animals. Finding them now all over the yard at special times in

our lives has been a blessing. For instance a really sad day for me, more unbearable than usual, my little cousin found one and brought it into me.. it made my day. On my Husband and I anniversary earlier this month our youngest son found one, and of course made our day. For over a week we’ve been blessed with this beautiful male cardinal that sits outside our window, just looks in and allows us to just cherish his songs. They are special gifts that we cherish.

I have learned when we need it the most our loved ones will send us signs that their love is still all around us and want us to feel peace, if only for a bit! Gentle reminders that brings me a smile, and remembering my son is what I hold on to everyday and nothing or no one can take that from me!

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