Lately, I have had a bit more energy, motivation, a push to do more. Whether it’s around the house or in my flowers, etc. I guess a way to say it is -my give a damn has returned- and while I’m pleased to feel like I want to participate in every day life things again, I’m very aware that I feel definitely out of practice. Holding a conversation, in person, face to face, for an example is not easy for me. There is so much that changes a parent after child loss and so much that is not understood by those around you and very understandably so they can’t fathom what you mean by admitting that you have difficulties with normal every day things. Some parents, like me, struggle daily.
For instance, since losing Kenny, I have extreme panic and anxiety attacks that take hold of you and lies to your mind and creates irrational fears. Ones that keep you worried, scared, up all hours of the night, always with the “ what if’s” and you can’t explain why?! There’s also the loss of trust in people because deep down you feel like your being judged.. so you learn to just be quiet, which inevitably creates a very small circle in your life and you basically become home bound. And that is to just list a few things. It’s so much. Yet I face it all, learning as I go… Just how do I survive losing our son? A question that has no clear answer.
Today, I hope is a “good day” for us all but if it’s not and you find yourself struggling just remember — You are not alone— 🥰 The one thing I can do is share my own struggles on this horrible journey that no one wants to be on and hope that if anyone else is struggling at least you know your not alone. We are literally living through the most unnatural loss. All we can do is our best, whether that’s minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.. and that’s enough!
With Love, Hugs and Understanding!! Angela, KennyBugs Momma! 🦋🦋