Kenny has been gone for 3 years and 5 months.. some days it feels like yesterday while others feel like eternity. I’ve mentioned before how time doesn’t seem the same since our son passed away, the days all mesh together. I have a hard time realizing that this year is already almost half way over. Where does the time go??? I feel older now. Time keeps flying by, like a fast forward button got pushed. With twinges of life creeping into my body I also feel more aches. As if to waken from a 3 year sleep. Stiff and deflated. I feel a change coming and I pray it’s good.
Change is something I loath at this stage in my life. I do not like it.. I’ve had enough change to last me a life time. I am content in my little bubble of quiet, simple, non confrontational existance. My once fierce, love for adventure has dulled inside of my now panicky anxious self. But I’ve grown accustomed to my new self. Safe, secure, weiry of those things that can hurt. I steer clear of the what ifs that life can throw at me because I have enough that fill my head.
My new normal may be called a rut to others but it’s where my survival mode has sustained me. And out of fear of a set back, here I will remain until my mind and body decide it’s time to pick up and move forward to uncomfortable waters, unknown reactions, and possiblity. Not quite a coward but not strong either. I balance in between life and lingering in existance. But I am here.
With love, hugs and understanding! May we all find peace wherever we are in our journey.
Angela, KennyBugs momma!