I am one who believes in signs. Much like I believe that God gives us signs, I believe our loved ones send signs for us as well. For me they are rare, but each one I cherish and shall never forget. I know they are sent with love and hold meaning from our Kenny.

Grief is so complex, so I’ve learned. Before losing our son I had experienced what I considered “normal” grief. The death of grandparents, family, friends, etc. and I grieved them, missed them and think of them often, but I was able to grieve and move on. As they say “ life goes on.”

Losing your child is incomparable to any thing else in the entire world. I don’t say that to minimize any other loss, but it’s true. Parents are not supposed to bury their child. It’s unnatural and unfair. No parent should have to feel this much pain.

My deep grief immediately had me searching, urning for signs from Kenny. I desperately needed to know he was ok and I wanted to know he could hear me. My cries, my prayers, my wishes!! I became frustrated.. it seemed like everyone else was getting them but me. I remember one night crying so hard, my eyes were so swollen and blurry, the room was dark and I was just talking to god. “Please God let me know our Kennybug is ok!” I hung my head and sobbed. When I raised my head, I dried my face and tried to focus my eyes, it was then that I saw the outline of our son. Kenny was standing at the foot of our bed. He looked concerned for a second, but then he smiled his wonderful smile as if to say to me with just a look “ Momma, I’m here. I see you so sad, but I want you to be ok.” I didn’t say a word, it was silent. After a few minutes I squeezed my eyes tight to refocus my vision again and Kenny wasn’t there when I opened them again. I remember feeling a calmness come over me. My tears dried up, my vision was clear and the panic I had been feeling had subsided. Believe it or not that night I was able to lay down and go to sleep without tears soaking my pillow.

Our need to know our child is ok does not end.

Signs for me come in many forms.. butterflies, birds, fox, turtles.. Kenny had such a big heart and would move turtles out of the road to safety. Sometimes I just get a feeling and I know Kenny is there.. watching over his family.

Our grief can sometimes keep us from noticing these signs until we are ready. My wish for all those grieving is that you will receive the sign you’ve been waiting and wishing for.

Sending my care, prayers and understanding to all those grieving. 🥰🙏🫂🦋

Sincerely, Angela Kennybugs Momma!